It's About Time!! JDL 2019
This time last year I was terrified to race. I knew in the back of my head that I wasn’t as fit as I hoped to be. My body felt heavy and out of shape. I didn’t want people to see me that way. I tried on my uniform and cried. I wanted to find a way out.
When I started 2016 feeling awful, I thought, “it’s okay, I have plenty of time to get where I am going.” But as time went by, things didn’t get better; they got worse. As I approached race day I wasn’t just feeling pre-race jitters, I was filled with anxiety. I chose to face it. I chose to do something scary because I knew at the end, I would benefit from it. The finish line was met with more tears but looking back on it today, I am glad I did it. If I hadn’t pushed myself to race, I wouldn’t have been mentally tough to race at all last year. I wouldn’t have the full appreciation of what it feels like to go from point A to point B.
Moving into 2019 I knew things were turning. As I approached last weekend’s race, I was excited. I was excited to see what I could do. How fast could I be? When things aren’t going your way, it is easy to feel like it’s never going to change. I questioned it often last year. Last year I put my head down and tried to focus on the controllables, but my mind was always wondering if I would ever run another PR.
Now, I think I am on my way there. Tomorrow I will race my first indoor 3k since college, aka 6 years ago. I am not entirely sure where I am fitness wise. I feel good and have been hitting times in workouts that I haven’t seen in quite some time. But, I don’t want to have any expectations. I want to race tough. I want to be competitive. I want to hurt like I haven’t hurt in a while. Bottom line, I can’t WAIT to race and be back in that track race atmosphere. It’s about time I get my mind right.